FOMO, Jealousy, Comparison, and What to Do About It
Episode #324
Trying to support, but find yourself wincing at your peers’ success? Jealousy is a normal human experience that hits creatives extra hard. Jake Parker and Anthony Wheeler discuss how to learn from these emotions and even improve from them.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Comparison and jealousy are normal human experiences. Rather than running from them, learn what they came to teach you.
Jealousy typically hides a deeper desire. You don’t want their award; you want validation that your work matters just as much. The sooner you address the core desire, the sooner you can start cheering others on again (and mean it).
Social media is the highlight reel. You’re never seeing the whole person.
You’re more than an artist; you’re a friend, a family member, a human with unique physical and emotional needs. You’re lucky to build a career around those needs; stop comparing the pace you’re choosing to the one others take.
Focus more on the work, less on gathering feedback.
SUMMARY
Do you ever feel the weight of others’ success and wonder why your path looks different?
Jealousy is not an easy topic to talk about, but it can be a very real experience for anyone trying to build a public-facing career. Especially in the illustration industry, where awards and best-seller lists are so visible, it can be hard to celebrate others’ wins without comparing yourself to them.
When feelings of jealousy and comparison arise, it’s easy to compound the issue by shaming ourselves. It’s not middle school anymore; we shouldn’t feel envious of other artists. Good vibes only, right?
Here’s the thing: shaming ourselves and hiding from our emotions only buries them deeper; it doesn’t change how we feel. Rather than pretending everything is fine and white-knuckling through a sense of failure or inadequacy, it’s essential to name what we feel. Once something is named, it can be addressed.
After acknowledging jealousy, the next step is to ask what these feelings are telling you. Why are you envious? What about their success makes you feel small? The answers to these questions are key. You may discover jealousy of another’s accolades stems from a desire for creative community. Perhaps your envy of their recent award reflects your need for validation from the “right” people. This is useful information. Usually, these core desires are both legitimate and actionable.
The final step is to review what you’ve learned and take practical steps to create more satisfaction in the areas you feel are lacking. If you’re hungry for community, whom could you reach out to? What critique circle or group chat could you start? If you want validation, how can you make creating more important than the amount of likes or attention the work receives? It’s up to you to discern whether a perceived need should be filled or let go of.
An important reminder: things are not always as they appear. Career wins are exciting, but that’s only one facet of an artist’s life. Every creator has a unique combination of family, health, career, and emotional circumstances that drives their path. You can’t compare your pace to anyone else’s, because only you are living your life, and everything you’re seeing on Instagram is someone else’s highlight reel.
Jealousy is not an emotion to be feared or avoided, but gently prodded. The next time you feel it bubbling up, ask why, and then do the work to meet the deeper needs beneath it. Your career (and your mental health) will thank you.